How to Teach Kids About Tricky People Safely and Effectively

Key Highlights

• The outdated "stranger danger" concept is less effective because most harm to children comes from people they know.
• Teaching kids about "tricky people" focuses on confusing or inappropriate behaviors rather than just unfamiliar faces.
• Empowering children starts with establishing clear safety rules, like the "Check First" rule.
• Ongoing conversations about safety are crucial to help kids stay prepared as they grow.
• If a child feels uncomfortable, they should know it's okay to say no and immediately find a trusted adult.
• Using stories, games, and role-play helps children understand and remember how to respond safely.

Introduction

For decades, parents have relied on the "stranger danger" talk to keep their kids safe. However, child safety experts now understand there is a better way. The reality is that child abuse is more likely to be committed by someone a child knows, not a stranger. Shifting the focus to identifying "tricky people" and their behaviors is a more effective approach. This method empowers your children with the skills to recognize risky situations and know how to get help from a trusted adult.

Understanding the Concept of Tricky People

The term "tricky people" moves the conversation away from fearing strangers and toward recognizing specific behaviors. A tricky person can be someone you know or someone you don't. The key is that they try to get a child to break a family safety rule or do something that makes them feel uncomfortable.

This concept of tricky people is a more nuanced and less frightening approach than "stranger danger." It helps children think critically about a person's actions. Kids hate being tricked, so teaching them to spot tricky behaviors gives them a sense of control and confidence in handling unsafe situations.

How Tricky People Differ from Strangers

The traditional "stranger danger" lesson teaches children to fear everyone they don't know. The problem is that most people you don't know are perfectly safe. A stranger might be a store clerk or a parent at the park who could help your child if they were lost. Labeling all strangers as dangerous can prevent a child from seeking help when they truly need it.

In contrast, the "tricky people" concept focuses entirely on a person's actions, not their relationship with the child. This is a much better way to teach safety because statistics show that over 90% of harm to kids comes from people they already know and trust. A tricky person could be a neighbor, a family friend, or even a relative.

This approach avoids confusing your child and empowers them to identify red flags regardless of who the person is. Instead of using cutesy names for body parts, for example, using correct terms helps a child set boundaries. The focus shifts from "who is this person?" to "what is this person asking me to do?" This simple change makes safety education far more effective.

Why Focusing on Tricky People Is More Effective Than Stranger Danger

Teaching "stranger danger" can be counterproductive. It instills a general fear of unknown people, which can stop a child from approaching a safer adult, like a police officer or a mother with children, for help. It also creates a false sense of security, implying that anyone the child knows is automatically safe. This is a dangerous misconception, as most cases of sexual abuse involve someone familiar to the child.

The "tricky people" model, however, empowers children by teaching them to trust their instincts. It’s not about being scared; it's about being smart. Child safety educator Pattie Fitzgerald says, “Stranger danger is not just ineffective, it’s harmful. It’s a fear-based tactic that instills absolutely no confidence in children.”

By focusing on behaviors, you give your child a universal tool to assess any situation. They learn to recognize when someone—stranger or not—is breaking a safety rule or making them feel uneasy. This is a more realistic and effective strategy for keeping your child safe in the real world.

Explaining Tricky People to Kids

When explaining tricky people to your kids, the goal is to be clear and calm, not to create fear. You can start by telling them that most people are good, but some people are tricky and might try to get them to break safety rules. This is a better way to frame the discussion for young children.

Resources like Pattie Fitzgerald’s "Super Duper Safety School" books can be a great help. They use age-appropriate language and scenarios to teach kids about body autonomy and trusting their gut feelings. These tools help you introduce serious topics in a manageable and empowering way.

Age-Appropriate Ways to Introduce the Topic

It is never too early to start teaching your children about personal safety. For preschoolers and young children, you can begin with the basics of body autonomy. Teach them that they are the boss of their bodies and use correct anatomical terms for private parts instead of cutesy names. This helps them understand boundaries from an early age.

As they get older, the conversations can evolve. You can introduce more complex scenarios and rules. For example, explain that safe grownups don't ask kids for help; they ask other grownups. This is a simple but powerful rule that helps kids spot a tricky situation immediately.

The key is to make these discussions an ongoing part of your family life. The language and examples you use should change as they mature. For instance, with older kids, you'll need to discuss safety rules related to the internet and social media, where tricky people can be even harder to spot. Books like "Super Duper Safety School" can help guide these conversations.

Using Stories, Games, and Role Play for Better Understanding

Making safety lessons interactive is a great way to help kids absorb the information without feeling scared. Using stories, games, and role-play can make the concept of tricky people easier for them to grasp. Reading books on the topic, like those from "Super Duper Safety School," provides a natural starting point for a conversation.

Role-playing is especially effective because it allows your child to practice their responses. You can act out different scenarios and show them what to do. This "practice makes perfect" approach builds their confidence so they know how to react in a real situation.

Try acting out what a tricky person might say to convince them to go somewhere or do something. Here are a few scenarios to practice:

• A person they don't know offers them candy or a toy to get in their car.
• A neighbor asks them to help find a lost puppy.
• Someone they know asks them to keep a "special secret" from you.
• An adult they don't know says you sent them to pick them up.

Teaching Kids to Recognize Warning Signs

The core of the "tricky people" lesson is teaching your child to recognize warning signs. Instead of looking for a "bad guy," they should be on the lookout for unsafe behavior that gives them an "uh-oh" feeling. This internal alarm is a powerful tool you should encourage them to trust.

These warning signs are actions that break your family's safety rules. Is an adult asking them for help? Are they being asked to keep a secret? These are red flags. By focusing on behavior, you empower your child to identify a tricky person whether it’s a stranger on the street or a familiar face at a family gathering.

Practical Steps for Identifying Unsafe Behavior

Helping your child identify unsafe behavior is a crucial part of the concept of tricky people. The focus should always be on whether an action makes sense. For instance, would a safe adult really need a child's help to find something? No, they would ask another adult. It’s important to teach your child to question situations that feel off.

You can provide them with clear examples of safe versus unsafe interactions. This helps them build a mental checklist for what is and is not okay. Role-playing these scenarios can make the safety rules more concrete and easier for them to remember in a stressful moment.

Here’s a simple table to help illustrate the difference between safe and unsafe requests:

Simple Questions and Rules Kids Should Follow

Along with spotting warning signs, kids need simple, actionable safety rules to follow. These rules should be easy to remember and apply to any situation. One of the most important is the "Check First" rule. If someone asks your child to go somewhere, change plans, or take something, they must always check with you first. If they can't check, the answer is always "no."

Another excellent tool is a family password. This is a special, secret word that only you, your child, and other trusted adults know. Your child should be taught to never go with anyone who doesn't know the password, even if that person says you sent them. Make sure they also know their full name, address, and your phone number.

These rules empower your child by giving them clear steps to take. Here are a few core rules to teach:

• I am the boss of my body. No one can touch their private parts, and they don't have to give hugs or kisses if they don't want to.
• Always "Check First." Before going anywhere or accepting anything, they must get permission from a safe grown-up.
• Safe grownups don't ask kids for help. They should find another adult if they see this.
• Don't keep secrets. Surprises are fun, but secrets that make them feel bad or scared should always be shared with a parent.

Empowering Kids to Respond Safely

Knowing the rules is one thing, but feeling empowered to act is another. The goal is to give your child the confidence to respond safely when faced with a tricky person. This means teaching them that their safety is more important than being polite. They have the right to say "no" loudly and clearly to any adult who makes them feel uncomfortable.

After saying no, the next step is to go. Teach them to run away from the situation and find a trusted adult immediately. This could be you, a teacher, a police officer, or a mom with kids. Having a clear action plan helps reduce panic and ensures a swift, safe response.

What to Do If Someone Makes Them Uncomfortable

If your child ever gets an "uh-oh" feeling or encounters a tricky person, they need a simple, three-step plan: Say No, Go, and Tell. First, they should say "NO!" in a loud, firm voice. Teach them that it is okay to be rude or yell if someone is breaking their safety rules or making them feel scared. Their politeness is not as important as their safety.

Second, they need to "Go." This means getting away from the person as quickly as possible. They should run to a safe place, like back into the school, a store with employees, or toward a group of people. The goal is to remove themselves from the potentially dangerous situation immediately.

Finally, they must "Tell." As soon as they are safe, they need to tell a trusted adult what happened. Reassure them that they will never get in trouble for telling you something, even if the tricky person told them they would. A trusted adult is anyone you have designated as a safe person for them to turn to for help.

Handling Secrets and Asking for Help

Tricky people often use secrets to control children and hide their behavior. It's vital to teach your child the difference between a good secret (like a surprise birthday party) and a bad one. A bad secret is anything that makes them feel scared, worried, or yucky inside. A common tactic in sexual abuse is for the perpetrator to ask the child to keep their interactions secret.

Establish a firm rule in your family: "We don't keep secrets from Mom and Dad." Let your child know that no adult should ever ask them to keep a secret from you. If someone does, it's a major red flag, and they need to tell you right away. Reassure them that they will never be in trouble for telling you about a secret someone asked them to keep.

Make sure your child knows who their trusted adult circle is. These are the specific people they can go to for help if they can't get to you. Practice scenarios where they need to ask for help so they feel confident doing it. This ensures they always have someone to turn to, no matter the situation.

Maintaining Ongoing Conversations About Safety

Child safety is not a one-and-done conversation. As your children grow, the risks they face will change, so your discussions must evolve with them. What you tell a preschooler about tricky people will be different from what you discuss with a pre-teen who is active on social media. Making safety an ongoing conversation is key.

These talks don't need to be long or scary. You can use everyday situations to reinforce safety rules, like reminding them to check in before going to a friend's house. Regular, calm discussions help young children internalize these lessons and build a strong foundation of personal safety awareness.

How Often to Talk About Tricky People

There's no magic number for how often to have these safety talks, but the key is to make them regular and casual. Instead of one big, serious discussion, weave safety reminders into your daily life. For example, when heading to a crowded park, you can briefly review what to do if you get separated. These ongoing conversations keep the rules fresh in their minds.

Start these discussions from an early age and let them grow with your child. A quick chat before a playdate or a reminder about online friends can reinforce the lessons. The goal is to make safety a normal part of your family's dialogue, just like talking about being kind or eating vegetables.

Using resources like the "Super Duper Safety School" books can provide natural opportunities for these talks. Reading a chapter together can spark a conversation and allow you to address specific scenarios. Keeping the dialogue open ensures that your child will feel comfortable coming to you with questions or concerns about tricky people.

Keeping Kids Alert Without Making Them Afraid

The goal of teaching about tricky people is to empower your child, not to fill them with fear. The tone of your conversations matters. Stay calm, positive, and focus on what they can do to stay safe. Frame the safety rules as smart tools that help them be in charge of their own bodies and situations.

Instead of saying, "Don't talk to strangers," you can say, "If you need help, look for a mom with kids or a person in a uniform." This shifts the focus from fear to a proactive solution. When you normalize these discussions and trust your child's instincts, they are less likely to feel overwhelmed by anxiety.

For older kids, these talks should include online safety, as tricky people are also on the internet and social media. Teach them the same safety rules apply online: don't share personal information, don't agree to meet up with online-only friends, and always tell a parent if someone makes them feel uncomfortable. By focusing on empowerment, you equip young children to be alert and aware, not afraid.

Conclusion

Teaching kids about tricky people is an essential step in ensuring their safety and confidence in navigating the world around them. By focusing on age-appropriate methods, such as storytelling and role play, you provide them with the tools to recognize potential dangers while maintaining a sense of empowerment. Engaging in ongoing conversations helps reinforce these lessons, allowing children to understand the importance of reporting uncomfortable situations without instilling fear. Remember, knowledge is power, and creating an open dialogue about tricky people can significantly enhance your child's ability to respond safely. If you're interested in further resources or personalized guidance, feel free to reach out for a free consultation.

Frequently Asked Questions

What activities help children learn about tricky people?

Interactive activities are best for helping kids learn about tricky people. Using stories, games, and especially role-play can make the lessons stick. Acting out scenarios from resources like "Super Duper Safety School" helps children practice their responses in a safe environment, whether the tricky person is in person or on social media.

How can parents discuss tricky people without scaring their kids?

To avoid scaring young children, focus on empowerment, not fear. Use a calm tone and present safety rules as smart tools. Instead of dwelling on the risk of child abuse, emphasize what they can do to stay safe. A better way is through ongoing conversations that normalize the topic and build confidence.

What should a child do if someone asks them to keep a secret from their parents?

A child should never keep secrets that make them feel uncomfortable or scared. Your family's safety rules should make it clear that secrets from parents are not allowed. If a tricky person asks them to keep a secret, especially one related to sexual abuse, they should immediately tell a trusted adult.